


Blurred Lines

by motteme



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 10:32:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19810471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motteme/pseuds/motteme
Summary: ‘What are you doing when I am away?‘‘Waiting for you to come back home.‘Jiyong is finally back from the military service and Seunghyun is there to pick him up; but things are different between them now. They have been friends for so long, so why does it feel so different now? What changed?





	Blurred Lines

**Author's Note:**

> In case you wanna check out some gtop fanarts, videos, etc — or if you simply wanna talk, here are my other accounts! 
> 
> YouTube: motteme  
> Twitter: mottemotteme & motteme_art  
> Tumblr: mottemotteme & motteme-art  
> Instagram: mottemotteme & motteme_art

It was relatively warm given the fact that he was in the middle of nowhere and that it was already the end of October — but that wasn’t much of a boaters to him, if anything it made him feel happier, lighter in a way. The past two years had felt like hell warmed all over — so many things had happened; partly good, but mostly bad, too. Things that he had hoped would never happen had come true, and things he had only speculated about for a long time, too. 

But now he had completed his military service and had spent the past few months preparing himself for the moment he stepped out of the White Skull base. Jiyong knew that things would get complicated again, that the media would make a big event out of his discharge and would come for his neck once more — for now he ignored those threads and was simply relieved to come back home. He could still worry about YG entertainment, the new CEO and everything else that had went down later — right now all he wanted to do was come home to his family and sleep for a week straight. 

The wind turned and the sun was blinding him as he finally stepped through the front gates of the military base — he could hear some of the fans that had gathered to welcome him back and it made his heart ache fondly; there were still people out there that missed him enough to come all the way out here to make sure he  _ knew  _ he was being missed even after everything that had happened. Rationally thinking he knew that there was some sort of semi-obsession regarding his stage persona G Dragon, but actually seeing fans cry happy tears because he was back? That was something different entirely and it touched him deeply — the small voice in the back of his head had told him over and over again that no one cared for him, that all they wanted to do was to write the next big headline, including him in another  _ scandal  _ (or whatever qualified as such), and that his career was over. But when he saw the happy faces of the fans these worries washed away. At least for the moment. 

He was happy. 

The bag in his hand was heavy, but manageable. He had spent the past months slaving away each day, sticking to the ridiculously strict workout-routine and it showed. Jiyong had always been slender, never felt like he needed to work-out to become as muscular as Daesung or Youngbae, but the training had shown its effect. Maybe it was also the fact that for once in maybe twenty years he got a full eight hours of sleep each night and had three fixed meals a day but he had gained weight and most of it were muscles. — Normally he would go to sleep whenever he had the time, only to get up a few hours later and would eventually collapse into bed and sleep through his days off; similar state when it came to his eating pattern — when promoting, or working on a new album, or  _ whatever _ he had the tendency to skip meals. Not necessarily because he needed to lose some weight, but because he simply didn’t feel hungry, or because he had forgotten about it. 

So that was a positive side effect. Jiyong couldn‘t really remember when he last had felt this good in his own body — not only aesthetically speaking, but for once he didn’t feel completely exhausted. His ankle had healed by now and didn’t hurt anymore as much as it always had done before the surgery and there was a sense of calmness now that had been missing before. As much as he disliked some the principles his country had and the believes they had tried to force onto him during the military service, he did had to admit that going to the military had helped him in one way or another — mentally wise; or maybe it was just the time away from the spotlight, who knows. (It was probably that.)

He slung the dufflebag over his shoulder and adjusted the face mask as he walked up to where he had already recognized his mom and sister. As he got closer a smile spread over his face — his dad was there too and they were all smiling at him with tears in their eyes and Jiyong felt himself tear up as well. It had been too long — he had missed his family so much and in a way it had felt way worse than when he was touring across the globe. 

Within seconds he got pulled into tight hugs — the warm smiles never leaving their faces as they greeted him and hugged him some more. It felt good to be back, it felt good to be this close to his family again and Jiyong felt a burst of happiness and warmth spread through his body as his mom, dad and Dami squished him into a group hug and a high pitched squeal escaped his lips when Dami pinched him in his left cheek. 

“We missed you — look at you, you gained so many muscles. Never thought that was possible.“ Dami grinned at him — her eyes were red and she was smiling so hard and Jiyong couldn’t help but return the smile. 

“I missed you, too.“ 

His dad patted him on his back, smiling softly at him as he took the duffleback and made his way over to one of the cars and threw it in the trunk — his mom was at his side within seconds, her warm hands cupping his face and he suddenly felt like a little boy again when his mom smiled at him like that. “Look at you — all grown up and handsome.“ He chuckled at that, placing one hand on top of his mother‘s. 

The Welcome-Back-Jiyong smothering with kisses from his mom and another bear hug that nearly broke his spine from his dad lasted about ten more minutes. Dami was taking so many pictures, making videos of all of them while still smiling at them, before she seemingly had enough of that and placed her phone back in her purse. His mother and father took that as a sign that it was time to finally let go of their son for the moment and they all started to walk towards the cars. 

— plural? 

Jiyong had a puzzled look on his face as he realized that his family had taken two cars — again. Just like when they had accompanied him to the base the first time around, but that time Seunghyun was with them and — 

He turned around; his family was already getting inside the other car. His mom and dad were already inside, only Dami remained and before she got in, she turned around to face Jiyong again. “You take the other car — we planned a little get together at the pension and later tonight there is dinner planned, too. Since someone else really missed you too and hadn't had the opportunity to visit you during your service we thought it was only fair if he got to share the car with you.“ Dami smiled. “Plus, I am sure you guys will talk for ages anyways so it‘s better you two can be weird for two and a half hours while we are driving back to Seoul so all the weirdness has left your system and we can enjoy a normal conversation at the pension.“ 

The teasing smirk would have made him laugh — his sister had always egged him on and so had he; typical sibling dynamic that never went away no matter how old they were — but his brain was too preoccupied with what Dami had said; or what she hadn’t said. There was only one person his sister would dub as weird, while having such a warm smile on her face and that was Seunghyun. 

Jiyong suddenly felt another wave of happiness roll through his body and he frantically turned around and yanked the car door open — ignoring the cackling from his sister who finally got into the other car and closed the door — and saw none other than Seunghyun, sitting there with the biggest smile on his face. His hair was longer than he remembered and a bit messy — he had probably slept in the car during the ride — and he was wearing that damn denim shirt Jiyong hated so much, but that thought didn’t even occur to him at that moment. 

How long had it been since he last saw his best friend? 

Too fucking long for sure.

Jiyong lunged into the car — nearly slipping as he did — and threw his arms around Seunghyun‘s shoulders. He buried his head in the crook of his neck and simply held him, while the older man‘s arms wrapped tightly around him as well. He could hear the deep chuckle and Jiyong had to laugh too, but didn‘t stop hugging Seunghyun. “Missed me?“ — Jiyong wanted to slap him. 

“Of course I did, you idiot.“ he pulled away, his hands still on Seunghyun‘s shoulders and a permanent smile on his lips. “What are you doing here? I didn’t know you would come along — why didn’t you tell me?“

“I wanted to surprise you and I thought it was only fitting that since I dropped you off I should be the one to pick you up again — don't you think?“

Jiyong vaguely registered the door being closed and then the car was being started and that they were taking off, but he was too thrilled of having his best friend back to really realize they were already leaving the base. “You are such a softie — come on, you missed me too. It‘s totally fine to tell me, you know?“ he playfully poked one of Seunghyun‘s cheeks where a dimple was already showing.

“Missing you? Oh please, the past few months were  _ bliss  _ — no nagging, no temper tantrums and no one who forces me to cook for them.“

Jiyong fake gasped — pretending to be hurt. He threw an arm over his eyes and turned his body sideways. “After all these years you still don’t appreciate me—“, he puffed out his cheeks, sulking — but it was hard to remain in his role, when he heard Seunghyun already cackling and then he got pulled into another hug; his back against the side of Seunghyun‘s chest with one of his arms draped around his shoulders, holding him close. 

“Aww, you little drama queen.“ — he poked his nose and Jiyong immediately tried to slap the hand away, only for Seunghyun to poke his cheeks and then his sides and Jiyong couldn’t stifle the giggles anymore. This was unfair — Seunghyun had a strong hand pressed down on his shoulder so he couldn’t move much; but maybe he could? Seunghyun had always been the stronger one and probably still was, but Jiyong had training now which meant he could use it to defend himself against his Hyung. — he quickly reached for Seunghyun‘s hand on his shoulder and somehow managed to dug out of his fierce grip, but that was as far as he got. There wasn’t much room in the backseat of the car and he had limited room to work with and even though he could have easily gotten revenge in that moment, Seunghyun still managed to somehow pin his arm against his back and then he felt quick fingers move against his side, tickling him and Jiyong nearly kicked his leg out — it was so frustrating to be laughing like a maniac when someone was tickling you and not being able to get away from said person. Seunghyun had done that on so many occasions — he could be so annoying and he had missed so much during the past years.

  
  


“No, please — have mercy with me!“

“Did you have mercy with me when I was begging for it during dance practice?“

“Which time?“, Jiyong gasped out — his breath was shallow and he was still laughing and there were tears in his eyes now and he desperately tried to press his lips together so he would stop laughing, but it just didn’t stop.

Seunghyun‘s voice was suddenly deep and if he wouldn’t have known the other man for over half his life by now he would have been concerned he had fucked up big time, but this was  _ Seunghyun  _ and he knew he was teasing him again. 

“ _ Everytime _ .“

Jiyong went completely still for a moment — he carefully looked back at his friend and gulped. He knew that look all too well; the twinkling mischief in his eyes and how the corner of his lips tugged — shit, he was in so much trouble and his eyes widened in realization and he was about to mutter  _ ‘no, no, no‘ _ , but it was too late. Seunghyun reached around him and Jiyong immediately pulled his legs up against his chest, but it was no use and Seunghyun started to tickle him on that  _ one spot  _ and this time Jiyong really did kick his legs as he screamed. 

Dami had been right; it was better that they had two hours to goof around. His mother would have probably by now hit them both with a wooden spoon by now. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Eventually Seunghyun had shown mercy and had let him go — tho Jiyong had to threaten him by saying that  _ ‘if you continue to tickle me like that I will pee on everything you love, including the shoes you're wearing right now!‘ _ first. It had worked, somehow. Though Seunghyun had been overly sarcastic about it — saying something along the lines of  _ ‘getting revenge for last time?‘  _ and Jiyong had just rolled his eyes and smacked him at the back of his head — their Zutter music video shoot coming back to his memories, causing both of them to erupted into another fit of laughter. 

When they finally arrived at the pension they were still cackling about  _ god knows what  _ and as soon as they walked into the house and saw the disapproving look of Dami he knew they would definitely get scolded today, because there was no way he and Seunghyun would even attempt to act normal today — or anytime soon. 

They had talked mostly over LINE during the past few months — only meeting up whenever Jiyong had been able to come back home to the pension for a weekend or two — and there was just so much stupidity that needed to be released now that they were together again. Seunghyun had always been the person who had understood his own weirdness and had no qualms about making a fool of himself for the sake of a good laugh, or an insane idea for another song and it was so refreshing to have his friend back in his life like that. While Jiyong had found one or two friends in the military, there was no way they would come even close to  _ this  _ — this 20 year old friendship that had gone through some ups and downs.

He couldn’t wait to hear about all the new things Seunghyun had discovered over the past few months, about the new things he had learned and if there were new obsessions which would eventually end up being Jiyong‘s as well — he just had that effect on him. Or maybe they would just end up rewatching all the old movies they had already seen too many times to count together and that was fine too; as long as he had Seunghyun around again. 

Jiyong couldn't help but to suddenly feel a bit melancholic.

Twenty years.

It didn’t feel like twenty years. 

Or maybe it did. 

They had all taken a seat in the living room — Seunghyun‘s mom, sister and nephew were there as well and the house was filled with laughter and happy shrieking as Jiyong suddenly had an armful of Yeonjun. His heart was aching as he realized how much the little one had grown over the past two years and it ached even more as he saw how happy he was to have his other uncle* back. 

*Yeonjun had taken a special liking to him from the start, much to the annoyance of the other members, and  _ especially _ Seunghyun. Whenever they all gathered together Yeonjun would run up to him  _ first _ , even demand kisses and only then move on to greeting Seunghyun. Obviously Seunghyun had been a snit about it, but after assuring him over and over and over again that  _ he _ was the best uncle still, and that Yeonjun‘s enthusiasm was only because he saw Jiyong even less than Seunghyun, he had eventually overcome it. More or less.

He could feel eyes on him throughout the whole evening and Jiyong had to agree that he missed this — not the attention per se, but the attention from people he loved and was close to. He didn’t care much about attention from strangers anymore, not as much as he had when he was younger, but friends and family? He  _ loved  _ having their attention on him — but for some reason his own attention always slipped back to one person; 

Seunghyun. 

He had taken a seat at the big table that was a little bit away from everyone, watching him with a smile on his lips — Jiyong got up from the couch, letting Yeonjun down again who was already running over to his grandma, and walked up to Seunghyun.

“Already retreating back to your hermit status?“

“Just thought you would want all the attention on you — and we all know that when I walk into the room all eyes are on me and I didn’t want to rob you from your great moment.“

“Yeah, because you wouldn’t be able to hide your freak-flag even if you tried.“

Seunghyun smirked. “Says the one who has a dick vase and from what I have seen on stage a puppy play kink too, so who is the freak now?“

Jiyong nearly choked on his own spit — he had almost forgotten how dirty Seunghyun‘s humor sometimes was and even though he really did want to smack him now, he laughed again — a full body laugh. He punched his shoulder again — “You are  _ such  _ an idiot!“

Seunghyun was about to respond with another ill-timed joke when Dami was back, dragging them into tone dining room. 

The food was ready. 

Seunghyun simply muttered the dirty joke to Jiyong under his breath while he had his mouth full with noodles and meat and effectively made him spit everything out, while he tried not to choke on said food. — his mother was scowling at them and Jiyong looked over at his friend, glaring, but the older feigned innocence and simply continued to eat his food, pretending nothing had happened. He even had the audacity to smile one of his innocent smiles at Jiyong and Jiyong flicked a piece of cabbage in his face for what he earned a light punch against his arm and a low chuckle from Seunghyun.

It was good to be back.

* * *

They spent the rest of the night sitting together — drinking wine, after the youngest of their get together had to go to bed, and having slow conversation about everything and nothing. Dami was telling Jiyong all about the new clothing line she had put together for the next season and how proud she was of it — Jiyong easily fell in love with everything she was talking about and it filled him with so much joy. He loved his sister and seeing her being this happy with her work and being able to do what she loved was one of the best feelings. — his father started to talk about all the things he had planned for the pension, how he wanted to change some of the rooms and how Seunghyun had been really helpful all this time; helping him picking furniture or color schemes and all that. Jiyong‘s mom told him all about the smaller, finer things he had missed — about how their relatives were doing, how much Dami had whined about missing him, and how his dad had not been any better; he might have not been as obvious as Dami or Seunghyun, but he had still sulked about not being able to see his son.

— that didn‘t surprise him, but hearing that Seunghyun even whined about Jiyong not being there to his  _ mother;  _ that was a surprise. A pleasant one. — and Jiyong felt the impish grin tug at his mouth again. 

“So, he missed me? We all know how much of a big softie he is.“

“Oh, if you only knew —“, she gave him a pointed look, “Do you remember that time years and years ago when he gave his sister that bearbrick for Yeonjun and he accidentally gave her the wrong one and wouldn’t stop whining to her?“

Jiyong nodded, smiling at that memory. Seunghyun had been annoying a lot of times, but  _ that  _ special event crowned everything. He just wouldn’t stop whining; morning, noon, evening. All day long — about how precious that bearbrick was to him, how hard to get, and how much he wanted it back. It only ended when Yeonjun was actually finally born and he got to see the little one for the very first time with his own eyes — the whining stopped and instead he was proud to have given his nephew such a special bearbrick. 

“Yes, I remember. He just wouldn’t shut up and it was terrible — why are you bringing this up? I was close to disemboweling him.“

“— because it was even worse when you were gone.“

His grin suddenly fell and instead his lips parted and he knew he must have looked like a fish, gaping, but he couldn't help himself. — Seunghyun had whined that much?

“Well, the other‘s are still enlisted, too — he must have been lonely without us around. It is only logical for him to be lonely with them all gone, right?“

“It would make sense, yes.“ — she smiled, still. “But he was only whining about  _ you  _ being gone.“

That made Jiyong shut up again and he felt the tugging sensation in his stomach increase. He inwardly cursed at himself — he knew the symptoms all too well; funny feeling in his gut, heart beating faster, cheeks feeling warm. Jiyong had felt them too many times to count in his life — the feeling of infatuation. He had felt them the first time he had a crush on a girl, the first time he had a crush on a boy, the first time he kissed someone, the first time he had sex — and on so many more occasions after that and some of them were even in moments, platonic moments, with Seunghyun. 

Years and years ago he had more than just flirted with the idea of making a move on his tall, dorky friend with the angry eyebrows and dimples, and he had — but it had always went by unnoticed, or unrequited. Jiyong had spent too much time with crushing on Seunghyun — even his mom had known about it and she had sometimes teased him for it, but eventually he had given up and had moved on* and simply started to date other people and eventually fell in love with them.

*Only now he wasn’t too sure if he had ever really been able to see Seunghyun strictly as a friend. He had rarely seen the older one with one of his boyfriends, or girlfriends — at least not in the more recent years. When they still all lived in the dorms together things had been different; Seunghyun had brought his girlfriend over from that time and she had been lovely and sweet and Jiyong had felt terrible for hating her, simply because she had fallen for Seunghyun‘s charming and dorky ways as well. — they had lasted for around a year and Jiyong still remembered how devastated Seunghyun had been after they had broken up. It even went so far that the older one had sworn to never date again — and he really, rarely did. Only once or twice did he slip up and tell them that he was more or less seeing someone, man, woman, didn’t matter. The older he got the more he valued different things and when he decided that someone would spent a couple of months with him it was for their mind, not their body — hookups were a different thing tho. Whenever he went out with Jiyong or someone else and ended up seeing someone he liked he went for it — sex was easy, relationships not so much, at least for Seunghyun and Jiyong knew that. 

He knew a lot of things. 

Seunghyun not wanting to be in a relationship with him, or being in love with him was one of those things, which was why he simply smiled politely at his mom and brushed the feeling in his stomach off. He was glad he was back, but he really didn’t crush on Seunghyun anymore and opening that can of worms again, would unnecessarily complicate things even more.

His mother looked as if she wanted to say something, but their moment got disturbed when his father walked into the kitchen, along with Seunghyun, carrying their used plates to the sink. 

“I don‘t know about you guys, but I am going to go to bed.“, his father turned to Jiyong, a warm smile on his face. “It‘s good to have you back, munchkin. We all missed you.“ 

His momentarily thoughts of Seunghyun and whatever his mother had wanted to tell him got pushed aside and instead he grinned brightly at his dad — he was so cute sometimes. “I hope you can rest well tonight, sleep in for as long as you want. Your mother and I already put some food in the fridge for tomorrow as well, you and Seunghyun can eat whatever. Hyeyoon and the little one will probably be out of the house before ten, because they are going to the aquarium or something, and the ladies,“ he mentioned to his mom and to wherever Mrs.Choi was at “planned to go to the market with Dami, so there really is no pressure to get up early.“

“Thanks, dad. Good night to you, too.“

Jiyong watched his father go — followed by his mom who told them goodnight as well and affectionately patted Jiyong‘s cheek on her way out, leaving Seunghyun and him alone in the kitchen and that shouldn’t make a difference, it really shouldn’t, but after what his mom had indicated Jiyong wasn’t too sure if he could just ignore his beating heart. This was normal, right? To be happy to be around your best friend again? This didn’t mean anything else, besides platonic friendship — right?

Seunghyun was busy with putting aside the plates, cleaning up the kitchen a bit and all Jiyong could do was watch. The other man still looked much the same, but so different at the same time. He still wore the same clothes, the same aftershave, had almost the same haircut — but there were small things Jiyong only slowly started to realize now that had changed. 

Seunghyun looked good — really good, objectively speaking. Before he left for the military, Seunghyun hadn’t been in a good place. He had lost weight and he had looked tired all the time — more like a ghost, but now? His friend looked healthy. He had gained back the pounds that had been missing and they filled out his shirt nicely — it seemed like he had been hitting up the gym more regularly again, too and if Jiyong looked really closely he could see a few stray white hairs at the shaved sides of Seunghyun‘s head and Jiyong had to smile at that. These were subtle changes he could see from the outside, but how much had Seunghyun changed in the past two years on the inside? He had seen small glimpses and a few hints here and there, but he hadn‘t been able to see the full picture yet — Seunghyun was hiding something and Jiyong was hoping that he would share it with him eventually. 

He probably would, but he just knew that Seunghyun often needed some time to muster up the courage to tell him what he was thinking or feeling, that he often waited for the perfect moment, and by now he didn‘t mind the waiting anymore.

When they had been younger they had been like cat and mouse — Jiyong always pushing too hard, stepping over Seunghyun‘s boundaries without noticing and Seunghyun getting too clingy sometimes to the point were Jiyong was the one who snapped — but they were calmer now. In different ways, but it made a huge difference for them. They hadn‘t had any major fights during the past few years, not like when they had been young and hot heated and Jiyong really enjoyed that aspect. 

“How do you feel about dessert and wine?“

Seunghyun‘s deep voice brought him back to reality — his friend was standing in front of him now, with a small smile on his lips. “Sounds good, is there still any wine left or did my dad and Dami drink all of it by now?“

His friend didn’t answer, but instead brought a bottle of wine to his attention he hadn‘t seen before — Chateau 1988. A crooked smile spread across his lips; of course Seunghyun would get that one, he had gifted him one too before he enlisted — this time around there was a small note scribbled onto the bottle again, too. 

With careful fingers Jiyong reached for the bottle and read the label.

_ My beloved Jiyong, _

_ Welcome back — we all missed you so so much. _

_ It‘s good to have my favorite dongsaeng back; _

_ Hope you know how to cook by now so you don‘t _

_ always raid my fridge. If not, you should come over _

_ again and I will teach you how to cook. _

_ Love you so much and thank you for everything, _

_ Seunghyunnie. _

  
  


The heart beating increased again, cheeks flushed and he felt the dumb, besotted smile creek back on his face, but this time he didn’t try to fight it; not really at least. He had missed Seunghyun and the older one had made sure to have a small something prepared for him when he came back — their favorite wine — it was such a sweet gesture how could he possibly hold back any smiles?

He looked up from the bottle he was holding, about to thank Seunghyun for the present when their eyes met he had to pause for a moment. There was something in the way Seunghyun was looking at him right now that was not like any other times before. — no that‘s not true, he had seen that look before, but only during small, quiet moments between them, that usually had been disturbed by others, before Seunghyun got his guard up again and retreated back to wherever he sometimes went — but now they were alone.

Things were different now. 

He couldn't quite tell in what way they had started to differ from how things had been  _ before  _ — before enlistment that was — he just knew that they  _ were  _ different now. Or had been for a while now, but he hadn't made the conscious decision to acknowledge things and instead played it down to brotherly love between him and someone he had known now for almost twenty years in total, played it down to what people nowadays labeled as 'bromance' and had just accepted it as for what he thought it was. — Seunghyun being his best friend*, someone who he had worked well with and who he shared an insane chemistry with, someone  _ he  _ understood, someone that understood  _ him  _ in return and that shared similar interests in art and culture and movies and philosophy, much like he did.

(* Officially speaking Youngbae was his best friend and would be forever — but his relationship with Youngbae was completely different than from what he and Seunghyun shared; he had known Youngbae nearly all his live, grew up with him and really  _ did  _ share a brotherly bond with and not like the bromance he and Seunghyun shared. Youngbae really felt like he was related by blood; but not that it cheapened his friendship with Seunghyun — it was just different and he once more got reminded of how different things were between him and Youngbae and him and Seunghyun.) 

He really couldn't pinpoint the moment things had started to shift — maybe they had started to shift when they met again and reconciled and Jiyong had helped him with his mixtapes to get into YG, or maybe later when they debuted — when they worked on their own album; GD&T.O.P: Volume 1 — or maybe much later during the time they promoted MADE and Seunghyun was getting ready for enlistment. Or maybe it had all started to shift when things got really complicated and he had seriously started to worry about his best friend — about his mental health, about the anxiety that was plaguing him and the fear of being forgotten or replaced or  _ whatever else  _ his depression was telling him. It was all nonsense — not the depression part, that he took very serious, but the part about Seunghyun getting replaced or being forgotten —  _ especially  _ by Jiyong. 

He still remembered the night Seunghyun had broken down and told him about everything that was going on inside his head and how he had tried to deal with it but had fucked up big time in return. — They all had decided to meet up for a couple of drinks, since Seunghyun's enlistment had only been one or two months away and Jiyong wanted to make sure that they would all sit together like this at least a few more times, before they got separated for months, years even, before they all would be finally done with serving their country. 

They had met at one of Seunghyun's most favorite restaurants — it was only 10 minutes away from his vila and as soon as Jiyong stepped into the restaurant he knew why Seunghyun liked it so much. He didn't know how to explain it, but the whole place just gave off this  _ vibe  _ that told him Seunghyun would love it. — and that vibe was never wrong. Whenever he went to an art gallery or an exhibition without Seunghyun (which was pretty rare, since they had started to always go together a while back) and he'd see a painting that would give him that  _ vibe,  _ he'd take a picture of it and send it or him. ' _ I think you might like this'  _ or ' _ This is something that would look good in your living room'  _ was typically what he wrote. Sometimes it was also a ' _ reminds me of you — you should buy it _ ' — and he always got the same reaction. Enthusiasm and praise for knowing Seunghyun's taste so well and it always made him smile; he felt proud in knowing that he  _ knew  _ Seunghyun — someone that was hard to get close to and rarely shared his true beliefs or feelings. Knowing that he got to see this side of Seunghyun always filled him with joy — it was a privilege, not many people could say they  _ actually knew  _ or even  _ understood  _ Choi Seunghyun. 

So it didn't really come as a surprise when Seunghyun got a little bit too drunk on wine that night that he started to crumble. — Jiyong had brought him home after dinner, wanting to make sure his best friend got home safe, while the others stayed for a couple more drinks. 

He had just placed Seunghyun on the couch, making him sit down for a moment to go grab one of his pajamas, when he had started to cry. Jiyong had never felt as useless as he had during that moment — he was by his side in an heartbeat, asking him what was wrong, trying to figure out how to help his friend, but all Seunghyun did was cry even harder and eventually Jiyong had given up and simply wrapped his arms around the older man and held him close, making sure Seunghyun  _ knew  _ that he was there for him, and always would be, until he finally calmed down enough to talk. 

His voice was low and rough from crying and Jiyong felt a lump in his throat form as he listened to what Seunghyun had to say. He started to talk about how lonely he felt, how miserable he was and that he felt like his time was running out in a way — that once he'd enlist to the military his life would get flipped around and he'd had nothing to hold onto anymore. He spilled everything — his fear of the other members forgetting him, about them becoming strangers, about the time he'd be alone during his enlistment and how much that loneliness scared him. 

While Seunghyun was someone that found closure in loneliness every once in a while, Jiyong knew what he meant when saying it would get too much — Seunghyun  _ was  _ a family oriented person. He might not feel ready for kids now (or maybe ever), but that didn't mean he didn't love  _ family _ and the closeness that came with it. His mother lived on another floor in the same building and he had a whole extra area for when his sister would visit with his nephew for a few weeks — Youngbae and Daesung only lived five minutes away (something they had kept in mind when looking for their own place had been that it should be close to Seunghyun; especially in Daesung's case — whenever Seunghyun felt sad he'd come over immediately and cheer him up and that worked best if he lived close by) and his own place could be seen from Seunghyun's balcony. He also had friends over more often than not — his friends were his own type of family. He cooked for them, cared for them and made sure they all had a good and enjoyable time with him — and Jiyong had always loved that side of Seunghyun. 

But with enlistment coming closer this softness became a weakness, something that made him vulnerable and something that could severely hurt him and  _ that  _ was something he was scared of. 

Jiyong still remembered how his heart had contracted painfully when Seunghyun told him about smoking weed with some rich bitch ex-trainee (he could only call her that), because it had been the only way he had felt like he was able to forget his fears, to push them away. — while neither of them were strangers to drugs, it still hurt to hear the reason behind it. It was something different if you smoked a joint with friends while they were in the US or wanted to have a little bit more fun during a party, but  _ this _ ? Taking drugs because Seunghyun was feeling like there was no way out and that there wasn't any help for him because the South Korean medical health care system regarding mental health  _ sucked balls _ and he started to have horribly morbid thoughts from time to time, too? —  _ That  _ shit hurt. 

Since that night Jiyong had just wanted to wrap his friend into a blanket and punch everyone in the face that dared to talk shit about him. But the universe had apparently wanted to test him and Seunghyun and threw everything it had to offer at them. 

— but he didn’t want to think about their hardships right now; not when Seunghyun was looking at him with such a soft and open expression on his face and a tender smile on his lips. It felt like he had a lump in his throat and he felt his fingers starting to shake as he gripped the bottle tighter around the neck of it. The way Seunghyun was looking at him — was this really happening? Was he reading his expression right? — Jiyong couldn’t really think straight and panicked so he did the only thing he could think of right now; he put the bottle aside and hugged Seunghyun.

His arms wrapped around his neck and he buried his face in his shoulder — he knew that was probably not the reaction Seunghyun had expected, but he just didn’t know what to say to Seunghyun right now, because he  _ knew  _ Seunghyun, which was why he knew that this was more than just a bottle given to him by his best friend. This was Seunghyun  _ thanking him  _ for coming back — to him, to his friendship, to whatever there was between them. He was thanking him for not forgetting about him, for not dropping him after everything that had happened — it was so much more than that, too, but Jiyong couldn’t really think about that now — all he could do was bury his face deeper in his friend‘s shoulder and brush away the tears and listen to his own rapid heartbeat as Seunghyun carefully wrapped his own arms around his waist.

“If I had known you would get this sappy about a bottle of wine, I would have gotten you a beer instead.“ his voice was low and sweet and Jiyong playfully pinched him into his sides, before he clinged closer to Seunghyun, who pulled him a bit closer as well and buried his nose against Jiyong‘s head. 

“Ugh, you are just the worst, Hyung.“

“Really? Then why do you keep coming back to raid my fridge? Is it the food? Are you really that artificial?“ — Jiyong was laughing again and he felt Seunghyun‘s lips stretch into a smile where they were connected. “You got me, the only reason I have been putting up with you and your bullshit for the past twenty years is because of your delicious food — even during the time you couldn‘t cook for shit.“

“You are way too cocky for your own good, you know that?“

Jiyong buried his head a bit deeper in Seunghyun‘s shoulder. 

“Hyung?“

“Hm?“

“Shut up.“

Another deep chuckle, but this time Seunghyun really did shut up and instead tightened their hug — Jiyong didn’t know how long they stood there, didn’t want to think about what this could possibly mean, and just enjoyed the moment. He liked the hugs Seunghyun gave him, always had, but this one felt a bit different now. 

Different seemed to be the word of the night, but it was true — at least in his own narrative. Seunghyun rarely let people touch him, but when it came to hugs he went in for the kill — always nice and tight and perfect, but this felt more than just a hug. 

They had been holding on to each other for it to be a hug only, too.

But Jiyong didn’t feel like letting go just yet — Seunghyun smelled really good and after the months away at the military base Jiyong had grown a bit touch starved. Not necessarily in the sexual way, but in the way that he missed having his family and friends around, missed them hugging him or him hugging them, simply linking their arms when they sat next to each other — things like that, and having Seunghyun close to him like that made the past months filled with loneliness so much better. 

“Do you still feel like wine and demolishing the chocolate cake I saved for us?“ Seunghyun‘s voice was right next to his ear, nothing more than a whisper and Jiyong felt a shiver run down his back. He cleared his throat, his fingers playing with the fine hair at the back of Seunghyun‘s neck. “Wine and cake sounds good to me, I am not that tired just yet anyways.“

“Okay, then —“ Seunghyun carefully let go of Jiyong, much to his dismay. But not completely — Jiyong felt Seunghyun spin him around and, after grabbing the bottle of wine, guide him through the living room outside onto one of the balconies. His warm hand just a featherlight touch at the small of Jiyong‘s back, but enough to make him shiver. Had Seunghyun always had that effect on him? He quickly shook his head and sat down, waiting for Seunghyun to join him and after two more minutes of Seunghyun grabbing two glasses and the dessert he finally sat down and poured them each a glass of wine. 

It was dark outside by now, the air fresh, but Seunghyun seemed prepared for that as well as he not only handed Jiyong his glass, but also a thick blanket, along with a piece of cake. “You planned this, didn’t you?“ — he meant to tease Seunghyun a bit and it worked; his ears turned a bit red and he averted his gaze — but it was also curiosity. Would Seunghyun do that for the other members as well? Daesung — maybe, and okay maybe for Youngbae, too and —

Okay, Seunghyun would probably do this for the other members as well — or? 

His heart was beating faster at that thought again, especially when he had to think of the face his mother had made when talking about how much Seunghyun had missed him, or the fact that his family and made sure that they were sharing a car alone on their ride back. Maybe these small things did mean more and his heart beating so fast, too? Maybe this was more than the bromance they had going on? 

He forced a smile, trying to mask his nerves, and lifted his glass towards Seunghyun‘s. “It‘s good to be back.“

“It‘s good to have you back.“ 

Jiyong felt the heat in his cheeks again and this time the smile was real again. Seunghyun really needed to stop with whatever he was doing right now, because of he didn’t know any better he would think the he was in love with his friend. 

Which wasn’t the case at all.

They simply shared a deep bond, a platonic bond. 

Right?

Their glasses chimed as they brought them together.

Whatever, he could think about what all of this meant another time.

* * *

The ‘another time‘ proved to be any given moment he was alone — or with friends — or his family — or Seunghyun. Especially when he was with Seunghyun and he wasn’t sure if he loved or hated it — he even cringed at the word ‘loved‘, because what if this really was more? He really shouldn’t be thinking this much and hard about all of this, but once he had started to notice the little shift he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Was he the only one who had felt the shift? Or was Seunghyun feeling like that as well? Sometimes he thought that maybe, just maybe Seunghyun thought or felt the same way Jiyong did, but the next he brushed it off again and moved on with his life. It was like pre debut all over. And also some time after debut. Maybe even longer than that. He didn’t really want to think about that either — he had left that stupid crush behind him years ago; he valued a healthy and giving friendship with Seunghyun more than anything else, plus who knew if they would work out?  _ If _ there even would be a mutual desire to pursue more than just friendship what would happen next? What if they didn’t work as a couple? Wouldn’t that ruin their friendship forever? 

As much as he prided himself to be an optimist, there was another layer to his being. Underneath the optimism, was pessimism (and under that another layer of optimism, but it was the complicated kind of optimism that more resembled realism than anything else) and that pessimism told him that no, it would not work out. That it would kill their friendship and Jiyong was too selfish to lose Seunghyun as a friend — even if it meant that he would end up pining after him  _ again _ . He could live with that — he had before, so why not now, too? 

— if it turned out that he had still feelings, or again feelings for Seunghyun that was. 

This whole thing made his head hurt. 

Jiyong had been home for two weeks now — he had more or less adjusted to being at home again; more and more people had reached out to him, congratulating it on being back and he had brunches and whatever lined up for the next couple of months with people, old friends, that wanted to see him again — yet the only one he really felt like seeing was Seunghyun. 

Not that he didn’t love his friends and all that — he just wanted to bask in the moment between coming back from enlistment and promoting again a little while longer and Seunghyun was the only one right now who really understood him when it came to that. The other members were still gone so it wasn’t like he could spent time with them, right? That probably was the reason why he and Seunghyun stuck together like glue these days — right?

As much as both of them still wanted to enjoy their time off, they couldn't help but come back to the studio every once in a while* and see if they could come up with anything.

(*more like, every other day — because suddenly they both had so much energy and motivation for new music and it drew them back into the studio every second day. It started with Seunghyun asking Jiyong his opinion about a few things he had tried out, something he had been tinkering on every now and then during his service and turned out it actually was lowkey (high key in Jiyong‘s opinion) amazing.)

Seunghyun had so many ideas and once he had started to talk about them he just couldn‘t stop, not that Jiyong wanted him to stop anyways — he was spitting fire, rapping about all the shit that had happened in the past two years, how the media twisted words and minds into an narrative that supported their manipulated data and how antis liked to come for their necks any given moment, licking at every small drop of information they could get their hands on. How politicians used celebrities to cover up their tracks, to hide their shameful engagements and how brainless chicks and dudes with too much money from their parents liked to ruin everything and everyone. 

It was too good to just hold in and Jiyong felt himself falling deep into the music they created. He didn’t care if it would get approved by their CEO or not, he didn’t care that maybe this music would never see the daylight — this was about them, having fun, having an outlet, to vent their frustration from the past few years out and to just  _ let lose  _ again for once. He trusted Seunghyun with everything and seeing him share the same angers, insecurities and even fears was like balm for the soul. 

Jiyong suddenly was being thrown back to the time they had both worked on Seunghyun‘s mixtape, when he first auditioned at YG. It was different, they were older, but the quintessence was the same — he had felt a spark of it when they had been working on Zutter; but this felt so much more intense than anything before. It was like the raw edition of what they had been working on when they released GD&T.O.P: Volume 1 and Jiyong didn’t want to lose that so going back to the studio over and over and over again, working out the kinks and mishaps of each song together with his best friend it was and it made him feel more alive than anything else. 

They dorked around, smoked cigarettes and drank cheap beer as they shoved each other into the recording booth — one second Jiyong was writing down a rap part that came to mind, the next Seunghyun had his hands on him and shoved him into the booth and thrusted the headphones in his hands, telling him to record it. It also worked the other way around; sometimes Seunghyun would stand in the booth, babbling non stop about random topics, making up rhymes and Jiyong would simply hit the record button just for shits and giggles — but then when he replayed it over the speakers it would actually sound good and he’d bully Seunghyun into trying this and that and repeat the chorus and it would fit so well with something he had been working on. 

It was an even bigger surprise when they would wake up the next morning with a stiff neck on the leather couch, or on the giant Murakami cushion on the ground, listen to the tapes again and they would  _ actually  _ sound good — even without alcohol in their blood. 

It was a weird thing, moment, whatever — the general mood at the YG quarters was frosty to say the least and Jiyong felt like shit about most things that had happened during his absence, but he also felt like being selfish just this once. He and Seunghyun were working on something — and it felt good. After two or more years of feeling like crap and fearing so many things he finally felt free again and whenever Seunghyun would smile at him, pull a funny face, make one of his weird puns or dance like no one was watching, he felt better. It might sound a bit full of himself to say this, but Jiyong also had the feeling that Seunghyun was feeling better and better the longer they spent time at the studio — when they first walked into the room the mood had been light and funny on the surface, but Jiyong had felt the tension underneath Seunghyun‘s carefree silliness, but the more confident Jiyong showed about what they did, the more he pulled Seunghyun into whatever they were doing, the more confidence came back and he opened up like a flower under intense care. 

Something he noticed as well was that they were getting more and more touchy with each other was well. When he had come back, they had hugged. For a long time — but there rarely had been small touches in between (the hand on the back was the only thing he really could remember) and even during or before enlistment, Seunghyun had pulled back a lot. But now?

It was mostly small stuff — they would decide to go to the studio and Seunghyun would pick Jiyong up so he wouldn’t have to drive himself and that gesture alone was sweet; getting picked up. The next thing usually was Seunghyun getting coffee for them and something to eat, too — the new building had a new cafeteria as well, but they still didn’t eat there. Instead, Seunghyun would quickly slip out of the car, pull on a beanie and face-mask (not that anyone could hide his godly features) and pick up something up for them to eat. Other days he would even go so far as to prepare some snacks for them and only grab the coffee to go and it made Jiyong want to do small things for Seunghyun as well. Not because he felt guilty about Seunghyun being this attentive, but because he wanted to show Seunghyun that he really cared about him as well and Jiyong knew there were a few things that could win him over. 

Food was one of those things and while he couldn't cook for shit he knew Seunghyun‘s favorite dishes and he knew his favorite sweets, he also knew his favorite artists and that’s how he ended up placing a box of his favorite macaroons on his seat one day, strategically placed next to a new book he had seen online (more like; spent hours and hours looking for someone who sold it because it was a limited edition and it had been completely sold out for ages now) which he knew Seunghyun would love. On other days he would be a bit more subtle than that and just throw in one of Seunghyun‘s most favorite CDs while they sat in the middle of Jiyong‘s studio, blasting old school rap and handing him a pack of cigarettes and a beer. One time (and Jiyong had to admit that his timing was  _ perfect _ ) he had even gotten him a sweater — it was getting colder and it was a fact that Seunghyun loved to wear long sleeved stuff and layer them, even when the weather was hot so getting a sweater was only fitting. They were sitting in the studio, Seunghyun talking about something funny Mark had sent to him and was about to show him some pictures on his phone, when Jiyong saw a faint shiver run through his body. 

“You cold?“ — Seunghyun tried to play it off, but Jiyong was up on his feet already and walked over to the bag he had placed next to the couch and dug out the sweater. It was pink and there was a small, tiny unicorn on it, so small you could only see it if you were really close and it was definitely something Seunghyun would love. He wordlessly gave it to Seunghyun who looked at him with a confused look on his face for a moment, before thanking him and pulling the sweater over his head. Jiyong grinned when he noticed it fit him perfectly and he grinned even more when he saw Seunghyun touch the soft fabric with his hands, smiling brightly when he finally seemed to notice the unicorn. 

“This yours?“

“Nah, got it for you the other day actually.“ He bit his lip.

They were sitting on the ground again on the big pillows scattered around and Jiyong playfully knocked his knee against Seunghyun‘s — it was normal for them by now to playfully shove and touch each other like that. In just two weeks they had grown closer more than they had during the past years — or maybe they had always been this close, just this time around they didn’t hold anything back anymore. When they sat next to each other Jiyong would often link their arms together, while Seunghyun‘s hand would drop down on his thigh; they would walk closely next to each other when walking down the corridors in the new building, sometimes Seunghyun would even throw an arm around him and drag him down the hallway just to mess with him a little bit like in old times. Sometimes it would be late at night already, and they would still be holed up at the studio, or binge watch movies at Jiyong‘s place or go through some of the books at Seunghyun‘s place or cook dinner together and then the evening would slow down and Jiyong would sit down on the couch and Seunghyun would use his legs as a pillow, or his arm and just curl up next to him. 

They didn’t really talk about it, because obviously there wasn’t anything they would have to talk about, right? It was just how they had always acted — and that wasn’t even a lie. In a way they had always stuck together like glue, they had just grown busy over the years and then the enlistment had happened and they had rarely had the time to just be comfortable around each other like in the old days and coming back to  _ that  _ felt amazing. 

One time falling asleep on the couch together, with Seunghyun dropped over his thighs, started to turn into a regular thing. Just that they would make baby steps from there on and the next time Seunghyun would actually throw an arm around Jiyong at night. After that, Jiyong would be the one to cuddle up next to Seunghyun, covering them in a thick blanket and from then on falling asleep on the couch together at home, or at the studio was normal. 

It didn’t feel like much of a stretch when one night Jiyong was sick of sleeping on the couch — he liked (okay, more than just  _ liked _ ) having Seunghyun next to him at night, but his back was protesting after sleeping on the couch for two weeks straight. He was tired and yawned soundly as he stretched, bones popping as he slowly walked up to his bedroom — he was so in autopilot mode that at first he didn’t notice Seunghyun wasn’t next to him in bed, but when he did he immediately got up from his bed and walked back into the living room where Seunghyun was sitting on the couch. “You coming?“ — there were so many different emotions in Seunghyun‘s face in that moment, but he eventually closed his gaping mouth and simply nodded. Jiyong stretched his hand out and grabbed Seunghyun‘s in his and dragged him into the bedroom, falling face first into the sheets and not even two seconds later he felt Seunghyun move in next to him. They had grown used to cuddling and holding each other when they fell asleep on the couch, but for some reason Seunghyun suddenly seemed shy about touching him — Jiyong was too tired to really think about that and simply reached out for Seunghyun; he turned his back to him and drapped the older one practically across his own back, pulling his arm tightly against his chest and hugging it like his favorite plushy, while he pulled one of Seunghyun‘s legs up between his knees from behind him and curled up even closer to him. 

After maybe three seconds, Seunghyun seemed to relax and hugged him closer.

So that was how they ended up starting to sleep together in Jiyong‘s bed — or Seunghyun‘s. They even spent the day three days before Seunghyun‘s birthday (it was a Friday) like that; Jiyong had everything planned out for them for Seunghyun‘s birthday party that would take place on the next day and not on his actual birthday since it was a Monday and most of their art friends couldn’t get completely shitfaced on a work day. The plan was easy — going to the gallery to see the new exhibition, fancy dinner, meeting up with some of their by now mutual art friends, getting drinks with them and probably ending up getting completely shitfacced; but when they woke up in the morning on Saturday, neither of them felt like moving or getting out of bed that day. Jiyong talked to their friends, told them something about Seunghyun not feeling well enough for everything they planned that day and they all agreed to only meet up at the gallery for a coffee and a few cigarettes the next day instead. Dinner and drinks would have to wait for another time. 

Or at least, for their friends. He and Jiyong ended up ordering food and curling up in bed with a bottle of red while shoving popcorn into each other‘s mouth and cuddling up under the blankets, while they listened to Jiyong‘s birthday present for Seunghyun — he had wanted to give him something with a meaning, something from the heart. They both could afford everything on their own, so gifts that actually had an emotional value were so much more worth to them as anything else. He had thought about what he wanted to give to Seunghyun even before he came back from the base, but couldn’t really think of anything. Most of it felt like it wasn’t enough or too impersonal — but the day before his birthday he finally did come up with something.

A mixtape.

They had been working on their own stuff for a while now so maybe it wasn’t all that special, but Jiyong wanted to make a song for his friend that was just for him. Something he could listen to whenever he felt lonely, when he missed his friends, or when he needed someone to cheer him up — he spent most of the days before his birthday in the studio, throwing Seunghyun out, telling him he was working on something he mustn’t know about yet and only finished when it was half an hour before midnight when he had to do the final touch ups on the song on Sunday. — Just in time.

He ended up walking into Seunghyun‘s place maybe five minutes before his birthday started and just as the clock struck midnight he practically jumped his friend and wished him a happy birthday, hugging him tightly as he did so and Seunghyun laughed soundly as he hugged him back and thanked him. 

On the USB was not only the song he had made for Seunghyun, but also songs that he probably liked — Jiyong handed it over to him with a small note attached; each song had a different title on the list — Track 01: Listen to me when you are lonely; Track 02: listen to me when you are anxious; Track 03: listen to me when you just want to curl up in bed; Track 04: listen to me when it‘s been a hard, long day; Track 05: listen to me when you forgot to take your meds. Up until the final track, which was the song he had written for him. 

So that‘s what they listened to for the night — Seunghyun curled up on Jiyong‘s chest like a cat and then they talked about the songs on the USB and why Jiyong choose the songs and what their meaning was. They were in deep conversation but when they reached the final track Seunghyun froze — realization setting in that this song was not just another one on the tracklist, but a song Jiyong had specifically composed and produced for him. He was still holding onto the list, his eyes scanning the paper until they finally read the last line. 

Track 18: listen to me when you need to feel love.

Jiyong tried to not openly stare at Seunghyun, but it was hard — his pulse was racing and he wasn’t sure if he knew how to breath right now. He hadn't really thought much about what he wrote down for that track, he just wrote what came to mind and what felt right — and that was it. Love*.

(*It had hit him randomly while working on the song; he had thought back to how they met, how things had been when they had been growing up and how big of an influence Seunghyun had always been in his life — he made sure to put all of this into the song; he wanted Seunghyun to know that he was loved and appreciated for who he was and for all his quirkiness. That all of his sides were loved, no matter if dark or bright. He wanted to tell him just how much he looked up to him, how he is such a huge part in his life and that there was probably no one else who he trusted this much and who he needed to have in his life. — only when he put all of this into a song the veil was finally being lifted and he saw the clear picture for the very first time maybe ever since he had met the older man. 

He was in love with him.

Completely.

Head over heels.

Heart thumping, hands sweating and wanting to grab and kiss them at every given moment kind of love. The type of love that you felt maybe only once in your life and that made every other previous love affair seem dull in comparison. 

This was the real deal and Jiyong knew it.)

He had tried to push these feelings away, tried to ignore them, but with every moment he shared with Seunghyun that passed, these feelings got stronger. Though it didn’t really feel like they were new; they only had been locked away for years and years now. Jiyong had never stopped loving Seunghyun and he probably never would and that was something he had to accept. No matter who Seunghyun would be with, or how he would react to Jiyong creating a mixtape and a song for him that basically screamed ‘I love you‘ — he would always have a special place in Jiyong‘s heart and it was not only platonic love he felt. The butterflies that went crazy whenever Seunghyun smiled at him, or hugged him were real and the way he couldn’t stop smiling whenever Seunghyun did something cute or sweet or funny or  _ whatever  _ — the thing was, Jiyong was totally  _ gone  _ for Seunghyun and maybe that was why all his other relationships never had worked out, because his heart had already belonged to someone else and there just wasn’t enough room in his heart to truly love more than one person. 

Thinking back, it made sense.

No matter who he dated; whenever Seunghyun would ask him to hang out he would drop his plans and go to Seunghyun instead. More than once had he canceled a date just to hang out with the older men — at the studio, at home, at a club, didn’t matter, as long as Seunghyun was there he was game. 

Seunghyun finally looked up from the tracklist and there was that look again; it was the same look he had seen on Seunghyun‘s face when he had given him the bottle of wine the other day, the look he gave him when no one else was around, when it was just the two of them. He had seen it more frequently on his face during the past few weeks — only for a moment, but it had always been there. 

Only now it wasn’t for only a moment anymore — Seunghyun was looking at him, their eyes locking and Jiyong forgot how to breathe let alone think about anything right now; what should he do? Should he just smile at him? Wait for his reaction? Kiss him?

“I am not the only one who is feeling this, right?“ 

— actually talking about it hadn’t been something he had thought they would ever do, but it felt like someone lifted a ton of bricks off his chest and it sent his mind into overdrive. He could only dumbly shake his head as in ‘no, he was not the only one‘ as his fingers started to nervously play with the hem of his shirt. 

They were now sitting in front of each other, not even half an arm length apart, and Jiyong could practically feel Seunghyun‘s body heat radiating off him and he heard the nervous chuckle coming from his friend. He was so nervous himself that he didn’t even dare to look up at Seunghyun again, his eyes were fixed on his fingers and he nearly freaked out for good when Seunghyun slowly reached over for Jiyong‘s hand, intertwining their fingers. — it took some of the nervous tension out of him; Seunghyun‘s question meant that he felt the same way, that Jiyong hadn‘t fallen in love with someone who would not return his feelings, but someone who shared them and who wanted to talk about the possibility of there being an ‘us‘.

A sudden nervous bark of laughter left his lips and he played and twisted and turned his fingers and Seunghyun‘s too — god, what do you do in this kind of situation? He had been in similar ones before; both parties confessing their feelings and all that crap, but it never had felt anything close to  _ this _ . 

“Why — why does this feel so awkward. I mean, we are friends, best friends. Shouldn’t that make it easier? We know each other and we aren‘t teenagers anymore.“

“Maybe that‘s exactly why.“ — Jiyong‘s fingers were shaking with anticipation as his eyes finally snapped up to Seunghyun again. “I don‘t know about you, but I am scared a bit to be honest; I am scared of fucking this up, of hurting you, or even losing you if things get bad.“

Jiyong took a shaky breath before answering. “I‘m scared, too.“ he took a moment to think about what he wanted to say, but his mind was a mess — the way Seunghyun was looking at him now was different again; he almost seemed a bit hurt by both of them agreeing to be scared and he immediately knew why. It shouldn’t scare them to be with each other, yet here they were freaking out big time and he didn’t want that.

He took Seunghyun‘s hands in his own, tightening his grip. “But just because we are scared, doesn’t mean this is condemned to failure, you know? I see it as a positive thing in a way—“ Seunghyun‘s expression shifted from concern to confusion. “I mean, us being this nervous about this? Isn’t it a good sign in a way, too? Because — why are we so nervous?“ another shaky breath “I don‘t know about you, but for me it is because I care  _ so much  _ for you that I am paranoid about hurting you. I have known you for so long and I have seen the things you had to live through and hurting you is the last thing on my mind. I don‘t want to be the cause of you being miserable, Seunghyun. I want you to be happy, but we both know that relationships are a lot of work and that there always will be some hurt along the way, but — I just, I am scared shitless of ruining our friendship, but that could happen in any other way as well. Maybe in ten years or so we will walk separate ways, because of a small petty fight, or something big will happen and we will fight or whatever; the thing is that I love you and want to be with you and if you want me too then I think we should just go for it and see what happens. We know each other — we know our good and bad habits, we know how the other person deals with pain, with pressure and everything else so I actually don‘t think that it would be much of a problem, because we already know what we can expect from this relationship.“ 

There were suddenly tears in Seunghyun‘s eyes and he leaned forward — their foreheads touching gently as he closed his eyes, and Jiyong could feel the way his nose nudged against his own and it made his heart swell. Seunghyun had such a cute nose, and his skin felt so soft and nice against his own — with greedy fingers he reached out and took Seunghyun‘s face in his own hands, stroking over his cheeks with his thumbs. 

They stayed like that for a moment — Seunghyun reached for Jiyong‘s forearms, drawing small patterns into his skin with warm fingers as he let out a long breath. “Your way of seeing this is so much better than mine and it makes me feel hopeful.“ his fingers never stopped stroking his skin. “I can‘t even pinpoint the moment I fell in love with you, can you imagine that? You have always been there and the next thing I know is that I missed you so much when you had to leave for the base. After I dropped you off at White Skull I took a picture of your empty seat and sent all the pictures to a friend and I was crying for two hours straight. — you weren’t even gone for a long time, but I already felt like shit. I even slipped up a bit when you weren’t around; sometimes I would think you were at home and I‘d drive up to your place, only to realize that your place was empty, half of the things gone since Dami moved out, too and I felt even more alone. I would often see something at work and take pictures of it, saving them to sent them to you after my shift ended, only to realize that you can‘t really use your phone and that happened more often than not. By now I think the folder on my phone titled ‘pics I want to sent to Jiyong‘ has more than 1650 pictures.“ Seunghyun let out an embarrassed laugh, but all he could do was swoon at what he had to say. He had really missed him that much? His mom hadn‘t played a cruel joke on him? 

“I‘m sorry I’m rambling and talking nonsense, you probably don't even want to listen to this, but want to talk about us instead and —“

“Has there ever been a moment where I didn’t want to listen to you, Seunghyun?“

A moment passed.

“— when you first met up with Pharrell and some other American musicians and I wanted to talk to you about the new Kohei Nawa exhibition and —“

Jiyong grinned, pinching his cheeks. “You know what I mean! Whatever you have to say, say it — this is something that is on your mind right now and I actually think it‘s adorable how you saved all those pictures just to show them to me. It makes me feel loved.“

Seunghyun‘s eyes darted between his own, the small crows feet right under his eyes crinkling adorably as he smiled at Jiyong. “So, does this mean there is an ‘us‘ we can talk about?“

“Yes there is — and I think it has been for a long time, but we weren’t really ready to see that just yet. I fell in love with you years ago, but pushed those feelings away, because I didn’t want things to get awkward between us, but now it feels right.“

“I fell in love with you, too. It was years ago and I was scared you'd find out. I tried to push you away on several occasions, but then I'd eventually give up and flirt with you again.“

"So you  _ did  _ flirt with me!" 

"oh, shush." 

Silence settled in the small space between them while they grinned from ear to ear at each other. Their noses were still touching, and it would be the easiest thing for Jiyong to just lean forward and finally claim those lips for his own, but that was the one invisible barrier they hadn't crossed yet and he wasn't sure if Seunghyun was ready for that or if he really wanted it, too. 

Maybe he was just confused. Maybe he was just lonely. 

But from the way he was staring hungrily at Jiyong's lips, he figured that there maybe really was more to it — that he really did fall in love with him, too and that these small moments really meant the same to Seunghyun as they did to him. 

He wet his lips with his tongue and Seunghyun's eyes zoomed in on the small movement, before his eyes snapped back up again. "Jiyong?" 

"Hm?" 

"Can I kiss you?" 

Molten heat surged through his body and he felt light headed.

He hadn't even registered that he had answered; only when Seunghyun leaned in, the small space between them disappearing, he finally caught on. Soft lips met his own, his eyes closed and he leaned in as well — they moved slowly, shyly. Trying out this new, unknown territory — Jiyong was the first to make a bold move; they were still kissing, but only lips on lips with no tongue and Jiyong wanted more. He wanted to know this side of Seunghyun he wanted to know what he liked how he liked it and how he could get him off in the fastest way — he wanted to know what is heated skin felt on his own, what it would feel like to press him down into the mattress, to be pressed down — and so much more than that. 

He let his tongue slip in, pulling Seunghyun's lips between his own and biting down slightly, before letting go again and sucking on his lower lip and tongue again. — it was a bit messy; shaking hands and fingers carefully mapping out their bodies, while they continued to kiss and soon Seunghyun wasn't holding back anymore either. He buried his hands in Jiyong's hair, pulled his face even closer and kissed him deeply — Jiyong swore he could even feel the kiss in his  _ toes _ (and dick) and he gasped out loudly when Seunghyun tugged at his hair. A low groan followed and Jiyong's hands darted out as well, burying themselves in the collar of Seunghyun's shirt, tugging at it until the older one was effectively pulled on top of him and Jiyong purred at that feeling. 

It had been a while since he had last been intimate with anyone, even longer since he had the opportunity to have a guy in his bed and Jiyong realized he had missed having a man pin him down like this — and this was not just any man, but  _ Seunghyun  _ who he might add was an excellent kisser. 

Their movements grew bolder, more desperate and Jiyong couldn't stop himself from moving his hips against Seunghyun's while wrapping his legs around them and pushing against his ass with the heel of his feet. He felt the older man gasp out for breathe when he pushed their lower halves together, breaking the kiss and when Jiyong rolled his hips again he heard Seunghyun's breath hitch and all he could do was stare. 

Seunghyun was beautiful — his cheeks flushed, head tossed back a bit and eyes closed, blissed out expression on his face as he started to move along Jiyong and the friction of their hardening cocks rubbing against each other and denim and the material of their underwear was  _ maddening  _ and Jiyong needed  _ more _ . 

He moved quickly — one second he was being pinned down by Seunghyun and the next he was on top of him, pressing him down into the mattress and attacking his throat and collarbones with kisses, sucking the heated skin between his lips and leaving dark marks and Seunghyun seemingly enjoyed the attention. 

Jiyong heard every gasp, every groan and moan and he could feel Seunghyun swelling even more against his leg — shit he had almost forgotten how much of a power trip it could be to be able to turn someone on. Or maybe it was just so much more intense because it was Seunghyun who was baring himself to him. 

Didn't matter, all that mattered right now was getting that shirt off Seunghyun as soon as possible. With clever fingers he started to open the button up, pushing the buttons through the holes, opening one button after another and then Seunghyun was grabbing his own shirt and pulled it off over his head. Jiyong didn't had much time to enjoy the view, because Seunghyun lunged forward, attacking his lips with frantic kisses and started to pull off his shirt as well — as soon as he was topless Seunghyun moved down to his chest, leaving kisses down his throat and licking and sucking against his chest and collarbone, and then he  _ finally  _ took one of his nipples into his mouth and  _ sucked _ . 

Jiyong had already been breathless, but the new sensation made him moan out — with every suck he could feel his dick twitch painfully in the coffins of his pants and he started to desperate rut against Seunghyun, fucking himself against Seunghyun's leg and it was  _ heaven _ . He buried his hands in his hair again, messing up his neatly coiffed hair even more, before grabbing a handful and pushing his lips even harder against his chest. 

He was so lost in the sensation of Seunghyun sucking on his chest and nipples that he barely registered the other man opening his fly and pulling down his pants — he only realized something was different when the tightness in his pants became less and his erection sprang free. — he was about to say something , but then Seunghyun palmed him through his underwear and Jiyong let his head roll back again. "Shit, Seunghyun." It was just a simple touch, but it was enough to sent waves of pleasure through his body and Jiyong needed more, wanted to touch more, to feel more. 

Seunghyun was still caressing his stiff cock and balls while Jiyong reached down for his pants and opened them as well — their movements were getting impatient and soon both of them were only in their underwear anymore, with Jiyong kneeling between Seunghyun‘s spread legs and hands roaming and touching every millimeter of skin they could reach.

But then they both stopped, froze for a moment to just look at each other as if the heaviness of the situation finally settled in and they became aware of their surroundings and what they were about to do. They looked at each other and within the split of a second they both erupted with laughter — first a awkward and shy giggle that soon broke out into full blown laughter and it was so absurd and abstract; they were both rock hard, only in their underwear and laughing like mad men at this situation. “Why are you laughing?“, Jiyong gasped out as he tried to stop himself from laughing even more, but failed when he saw that there were already tears in Seunghyun‘s eyes from laughing so hard. 

“I don‘t know, okay! It‘s just that — we have known each other for so long and it should feel really awkward, right? But here I am wanting to pin you down and fuck you like there is no tomorrow and  _ fuck _ I can see your hard cock through your underwear and in a way that is really abstract to me? I spent so many years pining after you, trying to ignore this feeling that had been building up since my teenager years, and now here we are — we went from almost rivals in middle school to colleagues to friends to family and finally to whatever we are now! We have come such a long way and a part of me still fails to grasp all of this. I wanted you for so long now that actually having you feels like a dream.“

Seunghyun was smiling and Jiyong was smiling as well and they only sat there for a moment, grinning at each other, their dicks still hard and their cheeks flushed red.

“Please don‘t pinch me.“ — Jiyong was about to reach out to do that, just as Seunghyun had mentioned this being a dream, how could he not? And for some reason this was hilarious, too. Seunghyun had already known what he was about to do and that small thing was so endearing to him he couldn‘t help but slightly tear up again — he shook his head, not really believing this whole situation either and Jiyong felt Seunghyun‘s eyes on him again.

“Boyfriends.“

“Huh?“

“That‘s what we are now. You said ‘ _ friends to family to whatever we are now _ ‘ and I am telling you now what we are — boyfriends. You confessed to me and there is no way I am going to let go of you anytime soon — if you weren’t aware of it before; you are the endgame for me, Seunghyun. I just know that there won‘t be anyone else after you —“ he scooted closer to his boyfriend who was looking at him with wide, amused eyes and a big smile on his lips. His hands found Seunghyun‘s hair again as the older man sat up and Jiyong started to play with the lobes of his ears. 

Seunghyun‘s arms looped around his waist and pulled him against his chest. “Good, because I am not letting go of you either — you are mine now and I am not going to share you with anyone else.“

“Perfect, then that is settled.“

“Then there is only one thing we still need to discuss.“

“Oh?“ Seunghyun was grinning at him. “—and what is that?“

Jiyong could see the mischief playing in his boyfriend‘s eyes. “Who is going to be on top now.“ — a shit eating grin was now spreading across his face and Jiyong took that opportunity to smother his beautiful face with one of the pillows. He tried to remain serious, but he was laughing as well. 

“You are such an idiot, you know that?“

Seunghyun pushed aside the pillow, grabbing Jiyong‘s hands again. “Yes, but I am  _ your  _ idiot now so you will have to put up with me.“ — Jiyong had nothing to counter that, instead he leaned down and kissed him again. They had talked enough for now and he really wanted to pick up where they had left off; meaning making out heavily while grinding on each other and Seunghyun silently agreed when he let his tongue slip into his mouth and pulled him on top of him again. 

They kissed slowly again, taking their time to explore their bodies — hands roaming and with every roll and every caress new sparks of pleasure ran through their bodies and within minutes they were hard and aching again. Jiyong felt light headed and dizzy when he pulled away from the kiss — both hands on the sides of Seunghyun's head, holding himself up as his boyfriend finally reached for their underwear and then they were naked. His eyes took in the sight in front of him; Seunghyun's hair was a mess but he looked utterly godly — his chest was heaving up and down as he breathed heavily and Jiyong could count the hickeys he had left on the other man‘s throat and chest. 

“Do you have lube and condoms?“ 

Seunghyun nodded, quickly reaching over to the nightstand next to his bed and took out a new pack of lube and condoms. He was back under Jiyong in an instant. 

“Why do I feel like you planned this?“

Seunghyun smiled sheepishly. “I was hopeful that this would happen some day.“

They kissed again and Jiyong felt how the older man handed him the bottle of lube, while opening his legs a little bit further and the indication what Seunghyun was silently telling him sent pure ecstasy through his body — he quickly grabbed the bottle, kissed Seunghyun again and started to pour some of the cold liquid on his open balm, heating it up with his own hot hands before he finally let one of his fingers slip between his cheeks. Prepping Seunghyun was surprisingly easy — the other man was wax in his fingers and he had never thought that he would be this responsive, but it was remarkable and incredibly sexy to see. They way Seunghyun moved his hips, how he was basically fucking himself on Jiyong‘s fingers, the way he bit his lip when Jiyong managed a practically good angle and how he let out a breathless moan when he finally found his prostate. 

It was mesmerizing to watch and if Seunghyun wouldn’t be pushing him back to grab the condoms, Jiyong would have gladly fucked him with his fingers a little while longer — but now there were warm hands on his dick and a condom was being rolled down on it and Jiyong finally snapped. He pushed Seunghyun back again, placing a pillow underneath his hips and lifting his legs up until he held them up with the inner crook of his elbow and if he wouldn’t be so fucking turned on right now he would be impressed with how well Seunghyun moved — he was sometimes stiff when dancing, but he seemingly had no problem with wrapping his legs around Jiyong‘s waist. 

“You ready?“ — Seunghyun looked at him as if he was going to jump him any second now if he didn’t put his dick to where he wanted it, but he still felt the need to ask. Maybe it was just to reassure himself, but all the worries washed away when Seungyun used the heels of his feet to push him closer to where he wanted. “I‘m ready.“ 

Jiyong reached down to his cheeks, spreading them apart as he lined himself up — their eyes were still locked and then he was finally pushing inside. It was nearly impossible to not get lost in the heat and the tightness, but Jiyong forced himself to keep his eyes open — he wanted to see every little reaction he caused, wanted to see if he could go on or if he should slow down, but apparently he did everything right; Seunghyun‘s hands were raised above his head, fisting tightly at the bars of the headboard and when Jiyong bottomed out a pleased sigh escaped his lips. Seunghyun was molten heat around him with an iron grip and when Jiyong felt him squeeze, moving his hips underneath of him to fuck himself on his cock, he finally started to thrust and roll his hips. 

He started out with a slow pace, testing what angle Seunghyun liked best and watching his reactions closely; but soon the slow roll of hips wasn’t enough anymore for the both of them and he picked up his pace. With every thrust he saw Seunghyun move his body — the way his hips rolled to meet him halfway, the way his pecs moved whenever he fucked a little bit harder into him, the way he was staring at him with those deep, intense eyes. — it was perfect.

His hands wandered — he still couldn’t believe that Seunghyun was letting himself getting touched by Jiyong like this; he always had been so far out of reach for Jiyong that even daydreaming about it felt so surreal — but here he was. Hands on Seunghyun‘s aching cock, caressing his pecs and nipples while fucking him on his birthday; it was almost too good to be true. Their moans continued to raise in volume — Seunghyun suddenly pulled Jiyong down; kissing him, biting at his lower lip and running his nails up and down his back, causing Jiyong to shudder, his movements stuttering a bit as an unexpected intense wave of arousal washed through him. 

“I love you.“

Their lips were only millimeters away from each other, breathing the same air as Jiyong pinned Seunghyun‘s hips down and started to fuck into him again. 

“I love you, too.“

He didn’t know who said it first and who second, but it didn’t matter — the only thing that did was that he finally was able to say these words to Seunghyun and hear them in return. Jiyong felt his eyes swell up with tears again and when Seunghyun looped his arms around his neck, looking at him with those intense eyes he realized he wasn’t the only one who was tearing up and for a moment they stopped moving again, because they were laughing  _ again _ .

“Why are you laughing?“

“Because you are  _ crying  _ — that is the most cliche thing to do during sex!“ Jiyong was breathing hard, his voice thick and raspy with arousal, but his eyes were shining with happiness as he watched Seunghyun laugh again at his words.

“ _ You  _ are crying, too!“ Seunghyun reached for his sides, pinching and tickling him and Jiyong let out a way too high and unmanly squeak. 

“This has to be the most unsexy way I ever had sex in my life—“ he was gasping for air again, giggling like an idiot as he tried his best to get away from Seunghyun‘s clever fingers that reached for his sides again, tickling and pinching him some more. “—and yet, I am so turned on right now, I swear if you squeeze me one more time with your damn butt I‘m gonna come.“ 

“Oh, really?“ Seunghyun gave another one of his shit eating smirks as he squeezed impossibly tight around Jiyong, making the younger one groan out desperately and collapse on his boyfriend as he dug his fingers into the sheets, trying so hard not to come. “Shiiit — you‘re evil, you know that?“

Seunghyun laughed again. “If it makes you feel any better, I have been close since you put your dick in me.“

“Oh, really?“ — Jiyong couldn't help but lowkey mock Seunghyun with his own words as he made a particularly hard thrust, aiming perfectly for his prostate, causing Seunghyun to moan out louder than before and once he started to move he didn’t stop. Seunghyun was good at riling him up, annoying him and getting under his skin, but Jiyong knew that he could also do the same to Seunghyun. 

They clinged onto each other; Seunghyun‘s hands had found their way down to Jiyong‘s ass — pushing him just  _ that much  _ harder with every thrust and Jiyong could feel how he was getting close again. The familiar tingling sensation deep inside that started to ripple outwards through his whole body, the way his muscles tensed up and how sensitive he grew to every move and twitch of Seunghyun’s body. Jiyong squeezed his arms under Seunghyun, pressing them chest to chest as he buried his face in the crook of his boyfriend‘s neck — he could feel Seunghyun‘s hot breath on his neck and he almost whined when he felt nails digging into his skin on his back and ass again. 

He was about to lose it when he suddenly felt Seunghyun tense up underneath of him — his muscles grew tensed and his hips jumped, rutting faster against his stomach and then he felt Seunghyun come all over their stomachs and chests as he moaned out his name, drawing out the last syllab and Jiyong was done; Seunghyun felt too good to hold onto any longer and he came deep inside in waves, fucking them both through their orgasm until all the tension bleed out of their bodies and they finally collapsed on the bed, panting heavily as they gasped for air. Their bodies were sticky with cum and sweat and it was probably hard to breath for Seunghyun with Jiyong on top of him, but his fingers still dug into his ass cheeks and it didn’t seem like he planned to let go of Jiyong‘s ass any time soon. 

“We should probably move.“ 

“Mhmmm.“ 

“Should I get off?“

“Nnnhmmm.“

“Was that a yes or a no?“

“Hmmmm.“

Jiyong chuckled against the side of Seunghyun‘s neck — his legs, arms, basically his whole body still felt weak and all he could manage was to carefully pull out of Seunghyun, before snuggling back into Seunghyun‘s body. A pleased sigh left his lips and he took a deep breath — he probably would never grow tired of Seunghyun‘s scent; it was so unique and different from anyone else and always managed to calm him down.

Seunghyun‘s hands slowly let go of Jiyong‘s ass and moved up and down his back instead. “If I would have known you were this good in the sack I would have confessed years ago.“ — a dry chuckle escaped Jiyong. 

“So you only date me for my sex skills I see.“ he slowly pulled back, looking down at Seunghyun who was already staring up at him with a dopey smile on his lips. 

“Hmm, not only for that.“

“For what else then?“

“Your fortune and fame, I have been eyeing a few paintings that would look really good in your bedroom actually.“

Now it was Jiyong‘s turn to pinch Seunghyun‘s side, who squeaked out in return. “I knew it.“

They fell into easy silence again, just staring at each other for a while, grinning like idiots, before Seunghyun finally sat up and reached for the night stand again — pulling out a pack of smokes, a lighter and an ashtray. 

“You have that stored away in your nightstand? Really? What else is in there?“

“Shush, you were the one who sent me that stupid “It‘s a rule, smoking after sex‘ picture — ever since then whenever I jerked off I had to smoke a cigarette so shut up; plus you will see soon enough what else I have stored in there.“

There was this grin again and Jiyong wanted to smother him either with kisses or a pillow — he wasn’t sure yet. He rolled his eyes dramatically and then tried to see what else Seunghyun had put in his nightstand, but he got held back by Seunghyun who had already lightened a cigarette and handed it to him. 

Whatever, he could go through every drawer and nightstand in this house later, right now he just wanted to snuggle up in bed with Seunghyun and smoke a cigarette or two. 

He curled up against the older man‘s chest, throwing one of his legs over his hips as he took the first few drags of the cigarette before handing it back to Seunghyun. It only hit him now how drained he actually was and how heavy his limbs and eyes felt — he looked over to the clock on Seunghyun‘s night stand; it was already half past three in the morning. The music had long stopped playing in the distance and the only thing that could be heard was the faint noise of rain as rain drops fell against the closed window.

The last thing he registered before he fell asleep was Seunghyun cleaning them both up a bit with a t-shirt, opening the window to air out the room and slipping back into bed next to him; curling his arms around his body and burying his face in the crook of his neck. 

* * *

Jiyong woke up to someone talking in the living room — or somewhere else in Seunghyun‘s home, he couldn’t really locate the voice just yet, the only thing he did register was that the voice was getting closer — or were it more than just one? He didn’t really care, he was still half asleep and Seunghyun‘s warm, naked skin felt too good pressed up against his own and the way his body pressed him down against the mattress, there was no way he would get up now; not even if it was Seunghyun‘s birthday today. 

Wait.

_ Shit _ .

He finally put two and two together, but it was too late — Seunghyun‘s bedroom door already got yanked open and his sister was walking into the room with a big smile on her face the quickly dropped and morphed into a face of shock, and then amusement. Jiyong managed just on time to put the thick blanket over the both of them — covering them and their naked skin effectively. 

“I was about to wish my dear brother a happy birthday, but seems like he already did.“

Jiyong groaned loudly as he buried his head in his pillow — he knew he was blushing like mad; how the hell did Seunghyun manage to stay asleep in a situation like that? 

“Hyeyoun, please. Could you maybe —?“ but she wouldn’t be Seunghyun‘s sister if she wasn’t just as annoying sometime as her kid brother. Instead of leaving her smile turned into a smirk. “So, does that mean you two finally got together? My brother has been annoying the hell out of me for the past two years — whining about you being gone and how much he missed you and all that. You two are dating now, right? It is not just a one time thing?“

Could this get anymore embarrassing as it already was? — he carefully looked up at Seunghyun; he was still asleep. Then back to Hyeyoun. 

“Yes, we are dating — now could you please step outside so I can put on some pants at least?“

That seemed to satisfy her; she smirked approvingly at him one last time before she left the room — she even closed the door behind her and Jiyong sighed in relief, dropping back into the bed, his heart still racing.

“Is she finally gone?“

His eyes snapped back open.

“What the fuck?!“ — he sat back up again and looked down at his boyfriend who was now smiling up at him with an sheepish expression. “You were awake?“

“Yes, have been for a while,“ he yawned and stretched his tired muscles “but you were still asleep and looked so cute I didn’t want to wake you up, but then when my sister stormed into the room I decided to just pretend I was still asleep so I didn’t had to deal with her first thing in the morning, especially not when I am butt naked with my wonderful boyfriend next to me.“

Seunghyun leaned forward for a kiss, but was met with a pillow to his face. “You traitor — do you know how embarrassed I was?“ but instead of showing empathy, Seunghyun chuckled again, wrapping both arms around Jiyong and pushing him down onto the mattress with his full body, trapping him underneath. Jiyong tried to get away, kicking his legs, but it was useless — Seunghyun let his body go lax and it was basically impossible to move away and he cursed at his boyfriend. 

“Let me go and get off! Your sister is waiting outside and I am not in the mood for your shenanigans right now you nerd!“

“ _ Nerd _ ? Really? That’s the best insult you can do? — and I am not letting you get out of bed before I am forgiven.“ he tightened his arms around Jiyong‘s frame again and Jiyong whined loudly, trying to wiggle out of his embrace bu gave up after twenty seconds of not getting anywhere. He jutted out his lower lip, sulking. 

“Aww, come on don‘t be like that. You acting all cute and that only makes me want to trap you in my bed all day long and not get out at all and do dirty things to you.“ — it maybe would have been erotic in a way, if Seunghyun didn’t wiggle his eyebrows at Jiyong in the most ridiculous way possible while giving one of his dorky smirks. — Jiyong snorted; his boyfriend was ridiculous, how could he possibly think that dating Seunghyun would be anything different from being his best friend? There were obviously perks, but all in all they were still best friends, too. 

He whacked him playfully against the side of his head. “Stop being an idiot; as much as I want to spent all day in bed with you we do have to get outside soon. If your sister is here that means your mom and nephew will be here soon, too — you know they always sent Hyeyoun first to wake you up, while your mom and Yeonjun pick up your birthday ice cream cake so get your hands away from my dick and get out of bed.“ 

Seunghyun feigned innocence as he pulled his hand back, raising them both up as if trying to prove his innocence to him, but giggled as soon as he saw Jiyong ‘glaring daggers‘ at him. (It wasn’t much of a glare, because it was still Jiyong‘s typical ‘heart eyes whenever Seunghyun is close‘ look). 

He was finally let go off as Seunghyun got up from the bed and walked over to his closet; looking for something to wear for the both of them — he handed Jiyong the fresh set of clothes and walked towards the bathroom connected to his bedroom; he looked back over his shoulder. “What is it, you coming or not? You already too old to  _ get up  _ in the morning or something?“

Oh, this fucking moron.

Jiyong practically leaped off the bed as he bullied Seunghyun into the next room, fresh clothes falling to the ground as they stumbled into the shower stall — their laughter echoing through the room. Seunghyun blindly reached for the handle, turning on the shower and then they were kissing again and Jiyong forgot about the plan to shove his boyfriend into the stall and turn the water to the coldest setting — having his body pressed up against his own was a lot more fun than getting revenge; especially if that meant he could show him how  _ well  _ he still could  _ get it up _ in the morning. He was about to wrap his legs around Seunghyun‘s waist, ready to ride him — when he got suddenly got pushed against the cool wall, the water turned ice cold and Seunghyun leaped out of the stall, closing the door effectively and stopping Jiyong from getting out as a high pitched scream left his mouth, while Seunghyun was cackling again. 

“Choi, you are so fucking dead!“

It was good to be home indeed and even though he could kill his boyfriend right now, he was the happiest he had been in a very long time.

**Author's Note:**

> What can I say — I just really miss our boys and I had this idea in my head of Jiyong suddenly realizing he is totally in love with Seunghyun and Seunghyun whining and pining after Jiyong during the time he is gone and I hope you guys think it‘s cute. I am having a major writer‘s block these days so I don't really know if this is good or not, haha. 
> 
> Leave a comment and give me some feedback, please. Really would appreciate it even if it is just random capslock, haha.


End file.
